


Need Me

by BeccatheBiscuitBaker



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Anxiety, Break Up, Connor Deserves Happiness, Depression, Desperation, Eating Disorders, Getting Together, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Harm, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26072083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeccatheBiscuitBaker/pseuds/BeccatheBiscuitBaker
Summary: Connor has a lot of shitty relationships. He lets himself fall low to help others go up, but he never gets up himself.It's not okay.He isn't dealing with that shit anymore.
Relationships: Brooke Lohst/Original Male Character(s), Connor Murphy & Cynthia Murphy, Connor Murphy & Larry Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) & Original Character(s), Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen)/Original Male Character(s), Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 16
Kudos: 20





	1. Love Me, Please

**Author's Note:**

> If you read Better Than Me, I BROUGHT BACK KEITH BECAUSE I LIKE HIM!
> 
> If you haven't read Better Than Me, Keith is Connor's identical twin brother and Keith is straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:
> 
> Suicidal thoughts
> 
> Self harm
> 
> Abusive relationship (But that's the whole story so just be warned)
> 
> Eating disorders (Yes I went the stereotypical route)

Connor is so _tired._ He's been up every night for almost two weeks. He is supposed to be sleeping right now, but he isn't.

"Ev, I've got to go home. I'm going to be in trouble for being out late."

Evan pouts, "But you're already here. Please? I feel so bad whenever you aren't around."

Connor can't even remember when him and Evan got together. It was within the last few months, but suddenly Evan was his number one. Evan needed him, and Connor would not be the one to hurt him.

"Yeah, but if I get into trouble then I won't be able to see you even more."

Evan sighs, "Then you just sneak out again. Why do you even go home? They hate you. You're better off with me. I love you, they don't."

"Yeah, but--"

Evan cuts him off, "Please? I'm not...feeling good. Mentally. Like...I'm bad, you know that I can't be alone. What if I hurt myself?

Evan has more suicidal episodes than he does, and Connor can't lose the one person who loves him.

"Okay, I can stay, I don't want you hurting yourself," Connor mumbled.

Evan perks up, kissing Connor's cheek, "Thank you!"

Evan starts kissing him, Connor kisses back. He doesn't want to have sex, he wants to sleep, but if it makes Evan happy he's willing to do anything.

\--

Larry is pissed, like Connor predicted. Evan is right, his family hates him. Once the shouting match is over Connor locks himself in the bathroom. God he looks disgusting. His hair is messy and dirty. He's pale. His face looks like a ghost! He can't even remember when he stopped eating, but Evan likes him thin so it doesn't matter. His stomach growls in response, so Connor pushes a fist against his stomach until it stops making noises. He turns the tap on and drinks until he feels sick, now his stomach can't complain. It's full now.

God he's fucked up. What's wrong with him? Can't even go down and eat? Can't be nice. Can't do anything!

Connor wants to hurt himself. What is going to stop him from dying? He has a nut alergy, it would be so simple. Die, then he can't be a failure anymore.

"Connor?" Keith's voice calls through the door. "You okay?"

Keith is nice. Keith likes him. But that's probably a lie. Keith probably wants to hurt him, wants him gone like everyone else.

Connor walks out of the room, gives Keith a look, and hides under his blankets, passing out almost instantly.

\--

Evan has blown his phone up. Connor wakes from his nap and has thirty messages from him. Connor calls him instead of reading the messages. Keith is on his side of the room reading.

_"Connor what the fuck is wrong with you? You didn't answer me for h_ _ours! What if I was hurt? Huh? Do you want me to hurt myself? If I kill myself, that would be on you. You're supposed to be there for me! You love me, don't you?"_

He hasn't even said hello yet. Keith can probably hear Evan, the house is quiet right now.

"I'm sorry, I was sleeping--"

_"Oh so your beauty rest is more important than me? God you're an awful boyfriend! I'm the only one who actively cares about you! Your mom hates you, your dad hates you, Zoe hates you, and Keith especially does."_

Keith drops his book, "What did that dick just say--"

Connor silences him with a finger, listening to Evan.

_"I put all my time into our relationship and you can't respond to a text? Why do I even put up with you? Oh, I found a diet thing for you to try, I sent it earlier. Since all you talk about is food, I thought you would need the help. Come over, I miss you."_

"Connor we need to talk," Keith says.

"I'm busy," Connor mumbles into the phone.

_"With what? God, I bet you're cheating on me! You don't have a life outside of me, come over now!"_

"Tell him no," Keith hisses.

"I'm sorry, I can't," Connor whispers to the phone. "I promise to come over as soon as I can, but I can't right now. Okay?"

Evan's voice turns sad, _"You just hate me. Fine, use me when you want me! God you're an awful human being! No wonder they hate you! I love you, just remember that."_

Evan hangs up on him. Connor drops his phone and looks at his brother.

"Okay, I knew you had a boyfriend, but he's a bitch!"

Connor sputters, "Wh- no he's not! He's nice and loves me!"

Keith takes a step back and relaxes, "Are you sure?"

"Yes! He's the only one who loves me!"

Keith frowns, "What about me? Mom? We love you."

"No you don't."

Gears are turning in Keith's head and Connor doesn't like not knowing what he's thinking.

"Your boyfriend is who doesn't love you," Keith says. Like he's sure of it.

"Shut up! He spends time with me, wants me around, of course he loves me."

"I want you around, if you weren't with him all the time I would love to go out for lunch or something with you, is that all it takes with you?"

"You don't get it! He needs me!"

"NO HE DOESN'T!" Keith shouts. Then he calms himself again. "That little witch is messing with your mind, he doesn't love you, he's controlling you. I knew something was wrong, but not this."

"You don't even know him!"

"Invite him out for lunch," Keith offers. "I want to meet him, maybe he's better than I think."

Connor complies, desperate for Keith's approval. Evan is nice, Keith is just crazy.

Evan says yes, but then again Connor doesn't mention Keith. Evan never liked him. Connor used to talk to Keith about everything, and Evan insisted that Keith would just stab in the back, so he stopped.

Evan is attached to him that moment they make eye contact. Hugging him tight.

"Hey," Keith greets, smiling at Evan. "It's Evan, right?"

Evan stiffens, "Yes. Connor didn't tell me you were coming."

"I just had to meet you," Keith laughed. "I mean, Connor is clearly smitten."

The three sit at a table and open their menues.

"Hey, they have butterscotch shakes here," Keith nudges Connor with his foot. "You love butterscotch and you love ice cream, doesn't that sound perfect?"

"Connor hates candy, " Evan snorts.

"Uh, no he doesn't. I've known him since we came out of the womb, he loves candy."

"Candy isn't good for you," Connor mumbles. "What do you guys want? I'll go order for us."

They other two tell him, Keith asking for two shakes. One for each of them. Once their order is placed Connor starts to walk back, but he stops when he hears the two talking.

"I don't like you, I don't like your rich boy haircut, and I don't like how you talk to my boyfriend." Evan states.

"Well, he's my brother."

"Not for long."

Keith scoffs, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Connor does what I tell him to, he's like a puppy," Evan explains. "I never liked you, so soon I'm just going to tell Connor to move in with me and he's going to do it because I've convinced him that he's useless to society, which he is."

Evan's never said that...why is he acting like that? Evan loves him he wouldn't...

"He isn't your goddamn property!"

Evan sighs, "Yeah he is. Connor is obsessed with me, he does whatever I ask. I helped him lose weight, and I give him physical attention. If I want something, Connor will bow at my feet and make sure I get it. You can have him back once I'm done with him."

"You treat your mother this way too?"

"My mom wants me happy."

Connor would throw up if he had anything in his system. Evan...thought he...but...nononononono! Evan loves him. He's just jealous.

"You're disgusting."

"Your whole family is complete trash and I'm going to take Connor away from you, I don't fucking care. He's so fucking incompetent, all I have to do is say that I'll hurt myself and he listens. I don't have a mark on me but he eats it up."

Evan...lied? About self harm? This has to be a jealousy thing.

Connor walks back over, sitting quietly. The two don't speak now that he's back. It was just jealousy.

But...Evan does have clean arms. Connor can't wear a t-shirt without getting questioned.

And Connor did eat at least twice a day before Evan.

And he wasn't as mad before.

Or as tired.

Or as scarred.

Life had been manageable before. It sucked, but it was manageable.

He hadn't felt this bad before.

_God you're an awful boyfriend!_

He used to smile.

_You don't have a life outside of me._

When's the last time he genuinely laughed?

_No wonder they hate you._

Where's the line between healthy and wrong?

_I love you, they don't._

Maybe Evan is the problem...

\--

Connor looks at his arms.

Paper thin.

Pale.

Scarred for life.

He doesn't deserve that.

He doesn't deserve people's bullshit.

On the first day of school Connor doesn't hesitate to shove Evan to the floor.

"We're through!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously Evan isn't written as his usual character, and I don't find his character this toxic, he is only like this because of the plot of the story. Evan is a lil bean in every other story I've written, I think, so don't worry about me hating Evan and trashing on him. It's only for this, I love my tree boi 🌳
> 
> I just...cannot express how much I hate that people will lie about suicide attempts for attention. Obviously it isn't okay when there are people who actually want to kill themselves or wish they didn't exist. I've had a friend threaten to kill other people I know because I didn't share a snack with them, so guess who I don't fucking talk to anymore?
> 
> But yeah, this is just a subject I'm passionate about, and it's important for me to put this out there. Ditch the toxic people, you are so much better off without them. I started self harming daily because of all the bad people in my life, I let them go and stick with my weeb friends, now I'm over a year clean.


	2. All I Want is Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basic story outline:  
> Ch. 1: Evan chapter  
> Ch. 2: Murphy family chapter  
> Ch. 3: Connor questioning the world  
> Ch. 4: Happy people
> 
> Obviously this is probably going to change, but this was my thought process
> 
> TW:
> 
> Eating disorders

The breakup is hard. Connor cried a lot. Keith tried to be supportive, but he mostly trashed Evan.

He seriously considers begging for Evan to take him back.

_Several_ times.

Keith takes his phone away to help.

Zoe, clueless as shit, doesn't understand.

"Can you stop acting like that?" She asks. "I've never seen a boy cry as much as you do, get a fucking grip."

Her words sound like his. Almost exactly.

Keith tried to defend, but Zoe doesn't care.

She sees Connor as weak, that's all he will ever be to her.

∆∆

Cynthia has given up on him, she doesn't even try to make him get up anymore. Keith is the only one. He makes Connor get up each day and keep moving forward. Every time Connor sees his mother he sees fear, anger, disappointment.

Maybe there's love too, but it can't compare to everything else.

She stopped serving him at meals, just placing an empty plate in front of him. They first time she said that she just didn't want to give him too much, but Connor saw through it instantly.

Keith, his hard core healthy eating twin, has been bringing Connor anything he used to love eating.

They talk a lot now. Like they used to.

It's all negative now, but Keith listens and that's what matters.

"Connor, please eat the fries," Keith begs.

He manages three.

It's all numbers now. Originally not eating had a purpose, now it's numbers. Every calorie is a failure. Connor doesn't want to check his weight, he knows it's bad.

He knows that it could kill him. He isn't stupid.

Statistics like that don't lie.

Keith is going nuts, trying everything he can think of. Anything to help.

Connor wants to tell him to stop.

But Keith is the only one who tries.

On weekends Keith stopped going to school events. The two sit in the kitchen hashing out ideas.

It's mostly Keith begging.

"Connor, you need to eat something."

He doesn't answer, just sips at his water glass. Even water doesn't feel good, and water is nothing.

"I haven't seen you eat in almost a week, please. You're going to hurt yourself."

Cynthia walks in with a dusting glove. Connor knows she heard, but she doesn't even acknowledge him.

"Mom," Keith turns to her. "Please help me."

She looks crushed, but shakes her head, "There isn't a point in fighting. You can't change people."

She leaves with the window cleaner and a kitchen rag. Keith looks ready to combust. His phone dings and he swears.

"Brooke needs a ride," Keith sighs. "I will be back within an hour, okay?"

"Who's Brooke?" Connor asks.

Keith smiles a bit, "My girlfriend. She is coming over next weekend, don't worry about me hiding her."

Connor is probably ruining their relationship. Keith leaves and Connor walks to their room to take a nap.

∆∆

Larry doesn't even look at him unless he's doing something wrong. It's been that way for years.

When Keith brings Brooke over he gets a lot of looks from his father.

"It's wonderful to meet you Brooke now I have to ask, Zoe, Connor, are you seeing anyone?"

Zoe rolls her eyes, "Everyone at school is an idiot."

Connor shakes his head no. Larry gives him a pointed look, dissapointed.

Connor isn't out to them, but he isn't hiding it. If they find out then that's okay, but he isn't going to tell them.

Brooke seems baffled at Connor's empty plate, but doesn't comment on it. Keith is silently begging, so Connor takes a tiny scoop of carrots to please him.

Every bite hurts. It's only five carrots.

He might vomit.

"Connor, why don't you take some chicken?" Larry asks, trying to make him seem normal.

Before Connor can even protest Larry gives him a whole chicken breast. He should have sat next to Zoe.

Larry doesn't stop staring at him until he picks up his fork and knife, cutting a piece off.

Everyone but Brooke is watching him. They all know, but Keith is the only one who cares.

He can't do it.

his jaw locks up before he even lifts the fork up. It won't open.

He gives Keith a begging look, he can't do it. Yes he's a failure, but he doesn't want to ruin Brooke's night.

Keith takes pity on him, "Connor, do you feel okay? I'm sorry, if you weren't feeling good you didn't have to come down. I just wanted to impress Brooke."

"Thanks."

Once he's out of the dining room he bolts up to their room and collapses in bed. It's gone, he doesn't have to eat it. He's going to be okay.

When Keith leaves with Brooke, Larry strikes.

He practically pulls Connor down the stairs. He's weak, and even though Larry isn't pulling hard, his wrist bruises.

"Eat it," Larry commands, forcing Connor to sit at the table.

"What?"

Larry sits across from him, "You can't keep pulling this Connor. You're trying to make it look like we're starving you so you can get your mother and I in trouble with child services, and I'm done."

Connor is baffled, "That's not what I want _at all._ I might not be right in the head, but I'm not that stupid."

Larry rolls his eyes, "Eat it now."

Connor pushes the plate away, "You can't force me to eat. There's a reason I'm not eating, and it sure as he'll isn't CPS."

Larry looks angry, "Eat the goddamn chicken, Connor!"

Connor gets up, "No."

Connor starts to leave again but Larry picks him up and forces him back. The fact of Connor's weight get a his attention.

"What the hell?"

Larry sets him down and lifts Connor's shirt. Connor refuses to look, even when he showers he just closes his eyes and doesn't look until the baggy hoodie of the week is back on.

Whatever Larry sees makes something click.

"What the hell are you doing to yourself?" Larry asks in disgust.

Connor shrugs.

"Eat three bites."

Connor glares at him, "No! You can't make me!"

"Connor, this isn't right."

"I'm not hungry."

"You're going to die if you don't sit down and eat! Being this thin isn't going to help you--"

"That the point!" Connor snaps. "No matter what I'll be ugly! I can just die and be done and not deal with all the hate anymore!"

"Who hates you?"

Connor laughs, "You do! You hate me, Cynthia doesn't care, Zoe wants me dead, Keith is the only fucking reason I'm standing right now! He tries! No one tries anymore! All I can feel in this fucking lie of a family is hate! You bend us to be the perfect little suburban family and cut me out when I wouldn't bend! I want nothing more in the goddamn world than to just die and get out of here!"

He's dizzy.

"You don't know what I'm thinking! Everyone thinks it's me being dramatic! It's fucking not! I'm sick! I'm sick and no one wants to help! Every bite is bad! Looking at food makes me feel like shit! Just _looking at it!_ You don't actually care!"

The room is spinning.

"All you care about is your perfect fucking image!"

He hits the floor. Out.

∆∆

He has caused enough concern in his parents to wake up in a hospital bed. There is a nurse pushing buttons on an IV stand.

"Oh, you're up," he chirps. "How are we feeling?"

He actually feels okay. Dizzy, but okay.

"Fine."

The nurse smiles, "Do you think you can walk? We need to check your height and weight, couldn't do that while you're sleeping."

Connor complies, standing up. His height is good, but like always he looks away for the weight.

The nurse frowns, but writes the number down.

"How are things at home?"

"Fine."

"Your family treats you well? No one hits you or anything?"

"No, they don't bother me."

The nurse sighs, "Are they feeding you? Is there food in the house?"

"Look, my weight is my problem, not theirs. They feed us."

He frowns, "I'm sorry, but being as underweight as you are, there has to be something going on at home. If you can't tell me the truth I will need to call child services."

Connor turns his head down, "I made the choice to not eat, my parents and family has nothing to do with it."

It finally clicks with the nurse, "Okay, go lay down and rest. You don't need to have vitals done for a few hours.

He starts drifting off again when the door opens. Larry walks in with the nurse.

"Look, we try to feed him, he just won't eat."

"You clearly aren't putting in enough effort, do you want to know how much he weighs?"

Larry doesn't respond.

"Fifty five pounds." ( 24.9kg)

And...Connor knew it was low. Not that low, but low.

"Look, we will continue to try, okay? But force feeding isn't an option."

The nurse leaves, closing the door behind him. Connor is basically asleep at this point.

"Hope you're happy," Larry mutters. "Embarrassing is like this. It won't happen again."

He wasn't in the hospital because they cared. They wanted him to shut up. They really didn't care.

∆∆

Keith comes to visit in the morning before school.

"Keith I can't stay there," Connor whispered. "I know it's not what you want to hear, but I'm going to die if I have to stay there. There isn't room for me, for people to love me. I can't do this."

Keith sighs, squeezing Connor's hand quick, "I can help. Just hold on for a little longer, okay?"

"Okay."


	3. False Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor questions _EVERYTHING!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this one is short, but I'm excited to write the ending!!!

Two days after his 18th birthday Connor moves out. Keith helps him through the whole process, even convincing Brooke to let Connor stay with her.

Apparently Brooke moved out a year ago, her parents are alcoholics.

Connor decides, with Keith's agreement, that starting fresh would be a good start. Cynthia and Larry agreed to pay for his education, and Connor transferred to Keith's school. People were passing nasty rumors about him in the public school, so this was the best option.

Uniforms are an issue.

Keith insists that he can just share, but Connor is so small that the blazers are like a blanket.

Brooke has to be informed about the eating thing in order for Connor to move in. Keith's request.

Cynthia pays for uniforms that fit Connor, but he knows she doesn't want to. She pretty much grinned when he announced that he was moving out.

Keith agrees that them being together at school will be a stress reliever.

But...Keith is popular. Him and Brooke are a power couple at their school, and on Connor's first day everyone stares at him.

"They just think you're hot," Brooke giggles. "You'll have people asking you out by the end of the week."

During their first class a teacher pulls Connor aside.

"Mr. Murphy, we understand you're new, but we have a strict dress code here. You should look into it and correct things tomorrow."

Connor is shocked, he has a proper uniform, how is he violating? He sits back down next to Keith and asks what he did wrong.

"Oh," Keith smiles. "None of the guys here have long hair, but the girls are required to keep it out of their faces. I didn't think it would apply to you, sorry. Brooke can help next hour."

So during their next class Brooke ties back Connor's hair. The teacher in the room gives a polite nod of approval. Okay, problem solved.

Brooke simply weaves the front part of her hair back, so having your hair fully up isn't required. Good to know for future reference.

The school itself is actually nice. Connor feels engaged for the first time in ages. Class sizes are quite reduced, and Keith helps him with things he doesn't understand.

Lunch is an issue. Keith simply grabs food from the line, but Connor bypasses the line and just sits next to his brother empty handed.

"Connor--" Keith sighs. "You promised you'd try."

Brooke sits on Keith's other side, "Y'know Connor, my cousin had body issues too, it might sound weird, but sticking to those gross protein diets actually helped her gain weight. I have some of the stuff she used at the apartment, did you want to try eating that? It's like...zero happy food, and knowing that it was healthy helped my cousin start eating regularly."

He really doesn't have a choice. Not if he wants this to work out.

"Well...I guess it's worth a try?"

Keith pats him on the back and Brooke grins at him. He's going to try this idea out, and that pleases them.

How pathetic is that?

He can't even eat, even water grosses him out, how the fuck does he do this? He's going to fail. Her knows it.

But he likes seeing Keith happy because of him.

So he has to try.

At Brooke's they dig out the protein bars and set them on the counter.

"So, we can look into other shit later, but this should be good for testing," Brooke hums, handing Connor what was supposed to be a peanut butter bar.

Connor does eat the whole thing. It's absolutely the worst tasting thing on earth, but he eats it. And he doesn't feel super gross about it.

He might not vomit this time. It doesn't feel like he will.

So he has another.

Brooke is very happy about this, and texts Keith about the progress he made. The two talk amounts, trying to figure a good rate for Connor to start gaining weight at. He doesn't want to push too hard and have it backfire.

He feels good.

∆∆

He doesn't feel good a few hours later. Brooke is sleeping in her room, while Connor is trying very hard to not vomit. He doesn't need to, so stop trying!

Brooke doesn't want him to stay with her, he's a burden.

His own family didn't want him.

Keith didn't even try to stop him.

All of this is a lie.

No one actually cares about him.

He's going to die sad and alone.

He isn't even sleeping right now, and he has school in the morning.

He can't even _sleep_ that's how pathetic he is.

What's the point? He isn't going to have a life after high school.

No one wants to hire the weird kid.

No school would accept him with his record.

He's going to end up homeless and with...seven STDs from sleeping around for cash. It'll be all he'll be good for.

He doesn't feel sick anymore, but he's restless.

He's a failure.

He doesn't sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend: Jk lol is my favorite thing to say right now.
> 
> Me: What happened to poorly singing country music at me?
> 
> Friend: That's just a thing I do, jk lol can be my catchphrase.
> 
> I ended things the way I did because sometimes people shut everything out, which is what's happening here. Connor is pretty much at a point of no return mentally. He sees no hope for him or any way to escape the hell that he lives in.


	4. True Love

Connor slipped out of bed and walked into the kitchen. He turned on the coffee pot and quickly turned around, back through the bedroom and into the bathroom.

The scale is where it is every day. On the wall is the goal chart. The date and goal amount is listed, it's been three months since he met the last goal. He's feeling good about today.

He closed his eyes and stepped on to the scale. He heard the beep and checked the number.

145

What the...He was at 99 yesterday how did he--

Arms. Wrapped around him. Another look confirmed the third foot resting on the scale.

"You dick!" Connor laughed, stepping off the scale. "Andy--you're awful!"

His boyfriend laughed, pulling him into a hug, "Sorry."

He isn't sorry. Connor isn't mad.

Andy pecked his cheek before heading out to the kitchen. He knows Connor prefers to be alone for this.

Connor stepped up again, sighing when he reads the number. He walked into the bedroom and put clothes on, reluctant to take off Andy's sweatshirt he had been sleeping in.

Andy has breakfast waiting for him. Bland eggs, half a slice of toast with minimal butter. Usually he doesn't eat breakfast, but it's a weekend. So breakfast protein shakes are off the menue.

"I'm so excited to meet your parents," Andy laughed, he has a proper burrito. "I mean, I'm anxious as hell, but excited."

Connor took his hand, "102.4."

Andy paused, "What? Babe!"

Connor is scooped up in a hug, kisses being plastered across his face.

"I'm so proud of you," Andy beamed. "I love you so much!"

He's so lucky. Andy is the best thing to happen to him.

They met at a bar. Connor would go with his work buddies and always noticed the hot man sitting in the corner. Connor wasn't much of a drinker, neither was Andy. One night Connor had brought Keith along and pointed out hot guy. Keith had asked him out for Connor and they left with exchanged numbers.

Their first date was Connor comforting Andy after an anxiety attack. After two years they moved in together, and Andy had started the weight goals after a year of living together.

So, four years of happiness and small goals leading to big ones. Andy finished up college while they were together, and now they had a small, emphasis on small, house in the suburbs. And Connor had only met Andy's parents a few months ago.

Connor was a teacher now, it wasn't great pay but he liked the job. Andy was an accountant at a law firm and had a side job as a personal trainer. So his short boyfriend was a total nerd and buff as hell.

"My parents don't know I'm gay," Connor muttered, slowly eating his breakfast.

"Keith will be with us."

God he was nervous. He didn't want to see his family, maybe Keith, but no one else.

None the less, Andy insisted on doing his hair and they left the house after a few hours.

∆∆

"I'll get the parking meter, I think Keith is over there," Andy hummed, pointing across the road.

Connor stepped out of the car and waved at his twin. To this day the only thing separate was their style of dress and hair length.

"Brooke says hi," Keith laughed, embracing his brother. "She's sad she couldn't come, but her prenatal class comes first."

Connor scrunched his nose, he applauded his sister-in-law for wanting to have a child, but ew.

Big ew.

the pair walk over to their family, Zoe trying to hide in a shady spot since she burns like a salmon.

"Hello honey!" Cynthia greeted, embracing both of her sons. "Connor, you look good."

She said that every time she saw him. But he doesn't blame her, when he would come over for Christmas back in college he was usually stoned and starving himself. The past four times he has visited his weight has improved with each visit.

"Excuse me," Larry snapped, looking past his wife and children. Andy was a few feet back, startled from his view of Connor. "Please stop staring at my family."

Andy started picking at the skin around his fingers, his go to tic. Connor stepped up, not wanting this to turn ugly.

"Dad, this is Andy," Connor introduced, backing up to stand next to his boyfriend. "Andy, my father Larry, Cynthia, and under the tree is Zoe."

"Nice to meet you," Andy squeaked out.

Cynthia seemed surprised, "Hi? I..."

"Let's go inside," Keith peeped.

"Andy is my boyfriend," Connor managed to get out. "I invited him so he could meet you."

Everyone is silent, but Keith gets them into the reastaurant. Andy offered to get drinks for everyone and was gone from the table quick.

"You settled for that?" Larry scoffed. "I mean, I suspected men, but _that?_ Jesus Christ, Connor he's clearly using steroids."

Keith's hard glare kept Connor from snapping.

"Andy doesn't use drugs," Connor said slowly. "He just cares for his body."

Andy came back with drinks, taking his seat next to Connor. Cynthia was the first to break th silence.

"How long have you been together?"

"Four years," Andy answered, sucked into the menue.

Zoe choked on her drink, glancing between them, "No way. Why would you wait this long to tell us?"

Andy shrugged, "My parents didn't know until a few months ago. It...was just easier this way."

Cynthia refused to look at them, instead she turned to Keith, "Darling, how is Brooke?"

Keith grinned at the mention of his wife, "Great! She hasn't been sick, but driving makes her dizzy sometimes."

Larry was suddenly interested in conversation, "Do you know the gender?"

Keith laughed, "Blood test results are coming next week, we thought a sex reveal would be private, maybe just an announcement on Facebook or something. It won't be a big deal. Connor, how are your classes going?"

"I finally know what it was like to teach me and I want to apologize to every teacher I ever had," Connor muttered. "Finals can't come soon enough."

Andy glanced over to Keith, "You should bring Brooke over soon, we need to celebrate."

Keith asked for more.

"Connor hit over 100!"

Keith beamed, Connor hunched. It wasn't that big of a deal.

"Excuse me?" Cynthia peeped.

Connor tried to shush his boyfriend but Andy was an excitable one.

"Connor weighs over a hundred pounds!"

Fuck that sounded pathetic. He was nearly 30, that sounded so bad. Larry looked confused.

"That...just happened?"

Andy nodded, "Just today! We thought maybe yesterday, but today was the day!"

Connor chewed on his lower lip, last Larry knew he was seventeen and what...55? Around there?

"It took you ten years to gain 50 pounds?" Larry asked, baffled.

Connor hung his head, "I was literal skin and bones when I met Andy, I had vitamin deficiencies, it wasn't pretty. Andy convinced me to go into rehab and they got me back to a livable weight, from there it was small goals. You never cared enough to notice, but sweaters was enough to ease your--"

"--Don't imply that we didn't care for you! We gave you everything!"

Cynthia took her husband's hand, calming him.

Connor shook his head, "No, you really fucking didn't. Don't make this about your parenting, I just wanted you to meet Andy."

Larry looked ready to fight, but he didn't rise back up. Cynthia finally made eye contact with Andy.

"Thank you for helping our son, would you like to come over for dinner in a few weeks? Maybe bring your parents with? If you and Connor have been together so long it would be nice to meet them."

Andy had nearly picked a callous off his hand with how much subtle scratching he was doing.

"Oh, uh...my parents uh...they disowned me when I came out. I'm not allowed to visit them with Connor."

Larry seemed skeptical, "What's wrong with Connor?"

Andy let out a nervous laugh, "N-nothing! He's literal perfection in my eyes, my parents just...it's all men. They can't accept me if I'm in love with a man."

"The bar was pretty fucking low with introducing you guys," Connor sighed. "I believe I left that house with Susan screaming at me to, 'return to Hell and release her son from my evil and sinful grasp.'"

Larry behaved for the rest of the meal.

∆∆

"I think that went well," Andy hummed, unlocking the front door.

Connor snorted, "What part of that was good, babe?"

Andy shrugged, "They seemed okay. I don't think I'll be coming to Christmas, but hey--"

Connor kissed him, not wanting to think about him spending time with his family.

"...I love you," Andy breathed, a smile on his face.

Connor nuzzled against him, "I love you, too."

They settled into the usual afternoon routine. Connor sat down to grade papers, Andy heading into the garage to lift weights for an hour. Next Connor saw his boyfriend he had dripping wet hair from showering and a comfy looking sweatshirt on.

"Can I help?" Andy asked, handing Connor a granola bar from his pocket.

Connor handed him the stack of half graded tests and the answer key. His students loved getting tests graded by Andy because he always left notes. Connor moved on to his AP class and their online essays. One of the girls was worrying him, she hadn't done the last three assignments. Luckily the essay was turned in.

"I wish I could get paid to read myths," Andy hummed.

"Essays on classic novels too?"

Andy scrunched his nose, "Fuck no. I'll stick to math."

"And muscles," Connor chuckled, squeezing his arm.

Andy was finished long before Connor. In the time it took for Connor to finish the essays it was dark and dinner was ready. Andy has to force him to be done.

"So...do you think we're going to get married some day?" Andy asked, not really making eye contact.

Connor shrugged, "Maybe? Why?"

Andy didn't answer, suddenly interested in his food.

"Babe."

Andy slammed a small box down on the table. Inside was a ring.

"I just...I want to," Andy mumbled. "But, I know that this...being with you...you don't like forcing things. So I never asked. I just know I want to spend eternity with you."

Connor slipped the ring on his hand. It fit.

"Sure. Let's one up Keith and the stupid baby."

Andy looked up, "Really?"

Connor nodded, taking Andy's hand, "Of course. I love you."

Andy beamed, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"I love you too."

And Connor knew it. It wasn't every day he got real love, he deserved this.


End file.
